Archive | July, 2012

I’m still alive and remember that this exists, I promise!

20 Jul

I got a very insistent text from my mom the other morning, it was actually the first thing I read as I fell out of bed (I like to allow gravity to do literally all of the work for me in the morning), it said, and I quote, “Kate, your last blog was July 1.  Your public wants more!”  So, you’re going to get some more.  I’ve been struggling with Grumpy Gus Writer’s Block, and currently have the headache that I think will kill me, but here are some pictures to prove that yes, I am alive, no, I have not forgotten this blog, and yes, I am taking care of children/enjoying myself!

What these pictures show specifically are, from left to right, top to bottom:

1. Verena feeding ducks bread (we luckily saw no geese or large water fowl, which I was extremely grateful for.  If you want to see the face of evil, look a goose or swan in the eye).  These ducks were cute though!

2. Jenny Lewis, love of my life, singer of the songs of my heart, expert concertress, giver of many smiles.  I saw her in Santa Ana at the end of last month on her I heart California tour and frankly, I heart it more now thanks to her.

3. KEEM.  I visited Kim in San Diego and we ate giant things.  Look how giant those things are!

4. Happy 4th of July everyone!  I post this without comment, accept to suggest you note my outfit and rethink where you live.

5. We went to the beach!  Here Verena can be seen returning from Kate Encouraged Sea Gull Torture.  If you want to see the face of evil, look a sea gull in the eye.  Especially as they do that weird thing where they tap the ground with their feet.  Definitely a sign of the apocalypse.

6. Happy Tea Party Princess Party, everyone!

7. Verena and I went to Knott’s Berry Farms and she rode many super cute kid rides and I had to ride almost nothing and it was awesome!

Alright, so now my mom should be happy, you all know I’m alive and kicking, and I can go lay in my bed wishing for death in peace.

Love,

Kate

P.S. Dad, if you’re reading this, Happy Birthday!  You’re old, I miss you, and I think you should know that you have instilled in me a life-long passion for basset hounds that should make you proud.

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Ways I’m Turning into My Parents: A List of Quotations

1 Jul

It’s a well-known cliche that spending time with a child will bring up memories of one’s own childhood in misty sepia, and will turn you, with terrifying rapidity, into your parents.  This usually follows along gender lines in the books, but I’ve found myself turning into both of my parents in equal parts.  Here is a list of things I have said this month (I’ve officially been here a month!  AH!) that prove it.

1. “Why don’t you worry more about what you’re doing and less about what you’re sister is doing.” (For use when someone is tattling, bossing, or attempting to Be In Charge.  Credit: Dad)

2. “I am going to count to three and if you aren’t [in your chair, in the car, down from that ledge, listening to what I say] we are not [doing this fun activity]” (Credit: Mom)

3. “Don’t make me say it again.” (Best when said in a stern voice that implies consequences, especially helpful because it does not require you come up with any actual consequences/gives time for thinking of such a thing.  Credit: Dad?  Probably both.)

4. “Your knee hurts?  Well, should we cut off your leg?” (This always annoyed me as a kid, I didn’t realize at the time that the annoyance made me stop crying about the tiny cut on my knee.  Distraction is a useful tool with children. Credit: Dad)

5. “Quick like a bunny!” (This is actually the only thing that makes Verena speed up when we’re running late.  We then have to put on our seat belt “slow like a turtle” so it doesn’t lock.  Credit: Old school, Grandma)

6. “[name of child]” (Only works in stern voice, if done well, can stop child in their tracks.  Practice must be done on my end.  Credit/The Master of Such a Voice: Mom)

I have also started reading decorating magazines, making jokes no one thinks are funny, and using a variety of words and phrases to replace curse words (my parents went with Jiminy Cricket and muttered swears, I’m busting out Jeez Louise and using the word nonsense a lot more than is typical).  Everyone, the future is now.